i miss the time when i can eat normally without feeling guilty.

i miss the time when i always think that food is okay.

yes, i always say that 'ah i dont like that. thanks'

or maybe just a simply 'no, thanks'

if only you know whats running on my mind that time.

if only.

until 2 weeks ago the doctor told me that my digestive system is all fucked up.

and he told me to eat normally.

and my mom was all 'gdi just eat ya know how hard is it to eat'

oh eating is easy when your brain cant stop counting how much calories in that food, your brain keeps telling you that eating that is a sin, and your brain keeps telling you that youre guilty for eating that. sure mom, that is easy as fuck.

and that leads me to eat nothing at all in the end, most of the time.

this has been happened for months,

months before this fucked up digestive system, mom.

and if youre asking me, have you tried to eat normally?

yes. this afternoon. and my stomach hurts as hell.

idk what should i do.

i want to be able to eat without feeling guilty.

tell me. tell me how.